We haven't got internet set up at our house, so I am at the Library using their internet while searching for a job (and checking my facebook).

Yesterday, I had an interview for the Assistant Manager position at the Uwajimaya gift shop in Seattle, which I think would be cool, though it was a bit disconcerting that I was the only non-asian person in the office. I hope they call me back for a second interview. But I've got to call the temp agency to see if they have any work for me next week, because I've been waking up late and walking the dog and drinking french press, since I don't really have work.

I got accepted to grad school, so I'll be a librarian someday. I would like to get a job at a library, but their recruitment pools are all closed. I'll have to volunteer to get experience, I think.

Yesterday, I got a message on my facebook from the guy I dated in Japan about a postcard I had sent him, and Casey saw it and got really upset. I sent a Yoshitomo Nara postcard of a little kid smoking because I'd recently seen photos of my ex smoking, but he'd long insisted that he would never be a smoker again, so I was being a smarty pants, but Casey was so upset he wasn't really talking to me and decided to take a little nap and then tell me how upset he was about it. What the hell? Does he think this other guy is competition? I moved to another state for him. I didn't stay in Japan for the other guy, even after he invited me to live with him. I think that says something.

I hope he doesn't pull this again anytime soon. Or ever again, really. Because I really didn't appreciate it.

I'm moving to Seattle this weekend with less than a thousand dollars and still in search of a job. Hope it works out!

My good friend Tynka is returning to Japan to teach English again, but for a different company. I would be lying if I said that I weren't jealous.

Over the weekend, one of my friends, Ellie, got married to a Japanese man and it sounds like she's pregnant.

I keep thinking about Casey in Japan. I think it is because things ended so abruptly when I went home that I keep thinking about the what ifs.

Tynka is subtly trying to persuade me to return to Japan with her. I am more than tempted. Especially considering the money that I could actually save that I am unable to save here in the states.

But I think I am just nostalgic and that I am simply at a point where I am spending too much time wondering about all angles of things.

Considering steaming some artichokes and serving them with boats of fresh homemade Hollandaise.

The economy and minimum wage has got me down. Need to do something about it.

-I'm going back to school in June. I'm going to get a second degree in French, since I need to be fluent in another language for anthropology, and that's a great one, considering the parts of the world where French is spoken.

-That means I need a backpack. It means I am going to get one of those Chrome bags with the seatbelt clip. I'll get a fancy color scheme.

-I have allergies. They are bad this year.

-I went to Mt. St. Helens to go camping for a couple of days with Casey. It was pretty good- went to the Ape Caves, I hadn't been there in years. We shotgunned beer, something neither of us had done in many, many years.

-I still needa job. Imagine.

-Goin' to the beach. Gonna eat some clams, or something.

I don't know what to get my mom for Mother's Day. Oh noes!

The longer that I'm back, the more I realize how much Japan got under my skin and that I will be sad for awhile.

I know how the story goes, I'll eventually be happy and it will all come in due time, but I woke up this morning after dreaming about Japan and Casey and wondering if it was too late for me to email him and say, "I'm coming back, make a place in your bed for me." But I have a sinking feeling it's already too late, too hard for me to get back there in a timely enough manner and find employment that would make me happy.

There are two other times in my life when I've felt like this, the first being when I broke up with Travis and the second being when my father died. This time though, it's harder to put my finger on what it is. It's not just Casey, it's Japan. It's a closed chapter in my life that ended too quickly. It's over and I'm sad.

So I'm considering a change of scene. I've applied for post-baccalaureate education at Portland State, in Japanese and French. If I don't do that, maybe I'll go stay with my old friends in Hawaii for a little while.

O-bla-dee, o-bla-da....

How far in advance should I boil and then dye the Easter Eggs?

It's time.

I got back a few days ago and I've been hanging out with people pretty constantly. Seen some good old friends, even saw my ex-boyfriend Travis (bought a phone from him) and went to Uwajimaya, where I am happy to report, they have all of the Japanese food I will miss. Even the Japanese food I won't miss.

In some ways, it's been an emotional trip, I cried before I got on the plane to leave, which was interesting because I hadn't cried in something going on about two years. Possibly three. And then the day I arrived, my mother was hovering, coming into my room and folding my towels. This was interesting, as I'd just spent the last several months not having anyone tidying my stuff for me, as a result, I had to bite my lip as my first reaction was, "whoa, huge invasion of space, yo." But I love my mom.

My stepfather turned the tables and insisted I was to be the one to cook dinner on the day I arrived. he'd bought a ton of scallops and made sure I knew I was to cook them. That made me feel really at home- seriously. My mom might have cooked, yes, but my stepdad has a thing for my cooking, so I understood. Even if I was becoming deliriously tired.

I've seen my brother and my good friend Mindy, as well as Heather and her husband Andy, plus Travis. I'm working on seeing all of the people I truly want to see- one advantage of moving to Japan was that I was able to cut the people who I didn't want in my life before I left completely out.

Tonight, my brother Connor is having a show. I'm really excited.

Last night in Japan.

The title means, "I'm sorry I'm leaving before you" which is what one is supposed to say before leaving work if anyone else is there. But I'm using it now as my goodbye to Japan.

I'll be gone tomorrow. Back to America.

It's feeling incredibly surreal. Especially as I realize that I have been feeling normal in Japan, and used to live, aside from the whole arguments over the contents of my trash situation.

America is going to feel very, very strange. The people and the refrigerators will be huge.

I can't seem to really get myself motivated beyond tossing things that I don't want into garbage bags. Which is really half the battle, to be honest- most people have a far more difficult time throwing stuff out than I do.

When I arrived in August, one of the first things I noticed is that one of the kindly baggage handlers had somehow managed to destroy a wheel on one of my bags. So I think I am going to leave that bag here, toss out enough stuff that I only have to have the one big suitcase. It'll make travel easier, anyway.

I have to pay a city tax of about 900 dollars. I would rather not, but I will do it because I am supposed to. Only problem with the city tax is that it means I won't have any money. Which, you know, is awesome. I guess foreigners didn't have to pay it in the past, but the government is cracking down on it. I have a feeling because certain institutions are going bankrupt, so they have to squeeze as much money out of people as they possibly can. Except now it means I have to call up my mom and say, "Hey Mom, since the Japanese government wants me to pay taxes even though as an American citizen, I don't benefit, can you loan me a little money so I can afford to take the slow train down to Narita?" which isn't my ideal, considering I'm almost 26.

Luckily, the final two months of pay should be in my American account on the last day of the month.

I think I am going to miss Sakura. That's sad.

I'm throwing a party on Friday night which involves gyoza, known to the English speaking world as "Post Stickers" except that if you called them here in Japan they'd be like, "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

There is some minor or maybe major bullshit going on with the company I work for.

90% of the current employees are either moving back to their home countries or moving to other less rural prefectures. However, next week, it appears that there will be not one but two training sessions to attend, for which I am to prepare miniature lesson plans. One of these is for a high school lesson. To say this is a laugh is an understatement: we are leaving and the schoolyear, for all intents and purposes, has completed itself. There are no more lessons to teach. The seniors have all graduated. I'm sorry, what? JOB TRAINING... the week before my contract is completed? I think the toilet overflowed. With cow poop.

I'm going to do my very best next week to be soaking in Onsen for several days.

My crappy company told me that they want me to teach at 20 schools so I said "fuck it" and threw in the towel.

I'm coming home March 31st.

"My Company" won't let me do a partial recontract (they say it's very difficult, but I think they're liars), only a full one. I am not happy with that, so it looks like I am going to travel around Japan for a bit and then go home. So I will be back before August.

My friend likes the idea of going to Okinawa and being beach bums, though, and I am not at all opposed.

I think I'm going to stay in Japan until August.

So a vast confusion occurred (actually, not confusing at all, but it does have to do with my employment). Before winter vacation, I was told not to attend school at Mizusawa Junior High this week, even though the schedule made by my company says that I should be at school all week- there are no students, however, and all I would do is sit at my desk, do crosswords and occasionally check my email. So I called the head English teacher yesterday and she said, "You should not come in"- so I didn't.

Well, for some reason, my company tried to call me at school, and I wasn't there! They never really try to call me at school, but they had to tell me something about my car insurance. They called my cell and said, "You weren't at school. Where were you?" and I had to explain that I'd been told not to come.

Eeep!

update, 17:42 PM
Problem solved. I now have to go to school in the mornings for the next two days, but can leave in the afternoon. But now I have this sudden "having to wake up for school" thing to deal with.

I am back in Iwate. Tynka wanted to stay in Moriya a few more days, but I didn't think Greg wanted to have house guests for much longer. I can't blame him- I have been at his for about three weeks now. I am honestly rather excited to sleep on my own futon with my own Rilakkuma hot water bottle.

I think I am really getting accustomed to life in Japan. I didn't want to walk from the train station to my apartment, because it is snowy and cold out, so I hopped into a taxi and was actually able to tell the cab driver, "go a little further..." until I was close to my apartment. Hooray!

I have about two months till school is out. There are actually far less than two months worth of classes, and my outgoing seniors will only have 9 days of classes in March. This makes me incredibly sad because they are my favorite students, but they are graduating and going to college in places like Hokkaido, so I am very happy for them in that respect. But I will miss those kids!

Brrrrr, it's cold here.

I have a lot of fun having fun in Japan. You can't knock it.

But home is home. You can't knock that, either.

I can't wait to go back.